Oi, looks like I missed like 2 days from the fact that I've been too konked out to write.

Life is disturbing and confusing, that's a certainty at least. Now she's back from outer space and back to bother me. And it's working quite well in her favour. I don't know whether to let go or make things work. I want things to work but she doesn't and I suppose at this point, like any other point in my life with her, she's in control once again and I'm just the one tied on the string and letting myself get dragged around. I really don't mind that, but I wish she'd give me a little respect, which she tends to do from time to time.

I guess I'm just a sucker for that kind of situation and I do hate myself for it, but there's nothing I can do if it's something I want, and my heart and gut and brain are pretty much screaming in unison that I want to get back with her and make her happy. But that isn't going to be much of a possibility for a long long while if ever.

Trying to deal with things last night and meeting up with friends was both good and bad at the same time. And I truly profess that I really don't like beer as much as a guy should and mixing it with stout can only make it so much worse. But well, people were more emo and upset than I was last night at least. Although I came close to winning the race somewhere around 2am or so. She had to start showing me pictures and showing me pictures with her having happy faces with another guy in it. And of course the brain started reacting threateningly and it's not going to help anything at all for my case.

I hate that so much and I guess she knows it and is trying to make me 'accept' that it's over. If she really wanted to, I don't really know what she wants. Guess I'll just let myself stay on that string for however long it takes until she finds someone else to string around. I just hope they do as good or a better job at giving her what she wants.

I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have thrown away the key.