My stomach is churning like crazy today.

Could be because of something I ate, or just having that horrid feeling once again. Really feeling completely uneasy when I think about her today. And I know I shouldn't be and if I am feeling that way, I should just get my ass down to Germany to see her. But she won't want to see me and I'll probably get more shit for flying down just like that. I guess I really don't get women and I probably never will.

I just miss her and I'm thinking of every single way I might have a chance to convince her that I care enough to be committed to her and that I really hope that she'll understand that. But every option I've thought about potentially wouldn't work or just doesn't seem to have a chance of succeeding. I somewhat feel like I'm being bounced around slightly and at her beck and call, but I really know that I can't afford to lose her. I don't see myself in any sort of relationship with anyone else. After all, I've tried looking at the option before and it clearly didn't happen in any shape or form, except for that one stupid mistake, and I'm really never going to walk down that path again.

I wish she could understand that I'm really serious about our relationship, not that I've never been and that we could work things out. After all, I can't be that horrid a guy can I?

Sigh.