Kinda feels like an extended time that I haven't blogged, but it's only been 2 days.

No idea at all why I'm doing this at 3am in the morning. Since I'll probably have something else to blog about sometime in the day later. But well, it's just good to have something to let out before I go to bed. Logically it's supposed to keep myself from having nightmares if I go to bed with a very occupied frame of mind.

Things seem and feel as if they're looking up on a very positive side for me with her. But I don't really know how positive they are at the moment and if they'll stay positive for long. I suppose in the soon to be immortalised words of Beyonce "If you like it you should've put a ring on it." and essentially, that's what I'm working towards into doing sometime in the upcoming new year. Whether that will happen, itself is a huge risk that I'm undertaking, although at some point I'm sure to have that feeling that I'm heading for an epic fail situation.

But I think my mind is pretty set on that somehow. Which isn't a good thing since love is and has to be mutual and at the moment, it's not exactly pretty roses and cute kitties on both sides of the fence. The main factor at the moment is that I really need to save up whatever spare money I have, which technically should be quite a bit, to both pay for a ring and for my plane ticket to actually fly over and propose. Depending on the situation as well, I'll have to have enough cash to tide me over staying in a hotel for an indefinite amount of time there too. This is just one of those plans that should work in some simplistic manner, but because of the entirely human element on which it is based on, I'm also possibly heading for a one way ticket to my own personal nightmare.

I know, I should have done most of what I should have done years ago, in fact if I had done it last year and didn't be a screwed up asshole, life could possibly be a little more assured right now. Seriously, I think I make some really bad choices in life and really end up leaving too many things for too late and this time, I really want to make it right and get everything going in the direction that I want.

I want her to be happy and I want to be happy too. And in my current frame of mind and hope for the future, that situation will stem from us being together. Of course marriage is a big thing and I'm not just throwing this out on a whim but over a very thought out and calculated course of action that I hope to take in the next 2-3 months. The plan of action is already underway and I just have to ensure that I don't end up doing something that could intentionally mess up whatever I am planning. I don't want another heartbreak, either for her or for me and in future, the main thing is to make everything work.

Ich liebe dich...