It's 1.30am.

Maybe it's a little of not getting enough sleep or just letting things fall to the side as I let the little things pile up on me once again. I think it's happening almost once a week, hopefully there'll be a time when it's once a month, and then later or maybe never.

I'm in that neutral sort of mood, not that there's anything major that should be bringing me down but that I feel that little nagging feeling of dissatisfaction in how my life is. It's different from the 'I want to do more stuff' when I was in a relationship. Here, it just seems that there's a little hole each time I'm out doing something or getting something done. I mean I enjoy my outings and the bursts of excitement that comes with it, but something just feels off. I think a couple of people would probably try to kick me in the head for saying that. I don't think I'm still that hung up, but I suppose it plays a part.

Right now it's just that consideration on what's ahead in life, in terms of social relationships. On one hand, I don't think I really want to go through dealing with someone only to have it fall apart again. On the other hand, I really don't fancy myself being single once I go into my thirties. Almost sounds like my biological clock is ticking away or something.

Maybe it's just confusion and I'm just dealing with that horrible in-between period. Sometimes it just gets confusing with all the different analytic scenarios people come up with. Am I holding on to a dream, am I just too afraid, am I just not looking on the bright side, are things just meant to be this way. So many thoughts, so many options, so many choices.

I think right now, the simplest fact is... I just want to be me and just try to be something else for someone and just hope that maybe, there'll be someone who feels that they could be someone for me.

Cos I'm just drained out of feelings and I'm all out of love. *cue song*