Looks like it's been a week since I last blogged.

Things have been pretty hectic and I didn't get around to sitting down and remembering what I wanted to blog about. Plus things with the ex have improved seemingly quite drastically and I'm hoping that's a good sign, after all, the more I'm with her and happy together with her, the less I have a need to blog.

Currently in KL and trying to see if I'm able to just let go of things for a while, which obviously can't be possible since I'm online. It's like I'm so far from her but I'm never really that much further away in any sense. The distance probably only feels a lot more apparent when I'm not online. Just hoping that my lack of concentrated effort to be present this weekend won't cause something bad to happen in our 'relationship'. I know I shouldn't even be considering things like that, after all, her conversation with me yesterday sort of hinted that she really doesn't want to hear things about me saying how much I care for her or love her.

Which makes itself a confusing situation since she did accept my offer of money to help her get her netbook and to facilitate anything else she needed. I suppose that's a bad way to think that it might have negative impact on our relationship, but then I really don't know what else to do. I really do hope I might have an opportunity to see her at the end of the year someway or another. I'm already planning how to save up some money to buy a small ring and to propose to her, but I don't know if that's going to work or just make her reject me even more.

I am afraid of losing her and I know some of the things I am doing at the moment could either improve my chances of being together with her for certain once again or end up being a really deep nail in the coffin. I guess the anxiety and the worry are crawling back into my thoughts randomly and I'm just blogging to get them out of my head.

I want things to work, I want her to know that she can love me once again without fear. I know it's seemingly selfish and demanding and I know it probably is. But I guess that's just the one thing I really want in life now. To be with her.