I really should pay a lot more attention to blogging, it's a good practice for venting frustration and writing.

Sitting at the TP once again, coming early is turning into a natural habit since it's boring to sit at home. The human crowd is interesting to look at from time to time, and although I've got the headphones on to drown out the noise of the crowd, there's just something nice to be able to observe other people. There's just that little bit of horridness in being alone, but it's nice to be an unknown among the crowd as well.

I'm so troubled and it's pretty obvious it's self-inflicted. After all, I'm still here pining away for her and she's trying to make it even more and more obvious that there's not sense of logical hope between us getting back together. But then she still talks to me, shares issues and admits that I'm a great help to her. I suppose it's like I'm being made used of, but there's nothing else I can do about it either. I'm stuck in this situation because I don't want any other conclusion to this relationship. I want to be with her, I want to have her love and I want to spend my life with her.

I wish I could ask her to marry me, but that probably has no chance of happening at this point in time, and I suppose I'm working towards that one moment where it could possibly allow me to ask her that one thing. As much as it can be said that time can heal all wounds, sometimes it just serves to drive the rift further apart as she has mentioned from time to time during our relationship. I suppose I'm just a really sad soul right now and I'm finally just coming to accept this as part of how my life is and will be. Maybe at some point, I'll finally destroy myself or just reach a point where someone will just put me out of my misery.

I guess I'm just shattered by how things could have worked but just fell apart so suddenly. I really thought things were starting to work out and I was wishing and hoping that the pain and troubles of our relationship would be over. After all, everything was pretty much set in motion, but it just fell through in a single catastrophic event.

If only I could turn back time and fixed things. But now, I can only hope for that brief glimmer of light in the future to make everything right for both her and myself.

I can only hope and wish now can't I?